Ever been called UGLY? or fat? or stupid? Too black? Four eyes? Broken? Dirty?

(My story) Living with Crooked teeth. I would like to talk about that for moment, how it affects confidence even brain development, self-esteem, and personality.

Leading to depression, Social anxiety and many many more negatively provoking images of self.

Now for a moment let us go back to when we were children and our mind developing.
As kids we are absorbing our environment and everything around us. Doing this at a rate much higher than any other point in our lives. so when a kid a makes hurtful, mean comment or bullies another kid. That is simply them regurgitating a learned behavior.  Either at home or environment or both, perhaps what they’ve learned from television, combined with their own personal interpretation’s and perceptions of the world around them. Now add curiosity into the mix and the newly developing understanding of words usage and there meanings.  Once we add all these things together clearly!!  a child’s mind is no where near aware of the damages that words can cause.

You’re ugly or you have crooked teeth teeth, your fat or have acme or have dirty clothes. Maybe you have a cognitive developmental brain disability.  Children know not the deeper, impactful implications of saying such things.

Mean while that developing mind being bullied grows up carrying those torturous and impactful words well into adulthood. Furthermore if those negative experiences are not positively reshaped by a certain age that child becomes approximately 68% more likely to develop deep insecurities, depression, social anxieties, split personality The list goes on and on.

The affects are what i refer to as, an unhealthy brain development. Which is ultimately a developmental disability.

But don’t worry there is hope! You can reconstruct your own mind, in anyway you see fit. You do not have to be a victim any longer! You have the power let me show you.

You see, I hate using the word normal, mostly because it implies that everyone is the “same as everyone else”.  And for those of us with any “sense”  we know that people are very unique and have very different personalities, each one of us. So, the word “normal” becomes like an insult. But just as each person is unique and different we are also very similar. And because of those similarities the word normal is fitting.

However for this demonstration I would like to replace the word normal with the word balanced. What do I mean by balanced u ask? This is what I mean. Let us take the heartbeat for example. The heartbeat has a normal range of beats per minute, right? So, does the pulse and pretty much every vital sign. It takes blood approximately 23 seconds to circulate the body. That’s also has a “normal range” so for this demonstration the word balance somewhat represents normal.

Your personality, your brain is what it is most unique. The body lives mostly in the realm of normal. So what does that mean for brain development? Similar to those examples of normal vital sign ranges. There is also a healthy “normal” way in which the brain should develop. And when it does not develop normally an unbalance can happen!

So how is this connected to crooked teeth and insecurities or being bullied. Told  you talk or walk funny or you’re stupid, dumb, ugly, or fat. Whatever it is they say?!

If those negative ideas are not positively shaped within a certain developmental time frame. The brain will begin to try and correct those imbalances, those unhealthy experiences in the only way that it knows how. So, it creates insecurities.

(real quick  an insecurity is when you rely on others to fill and replace that which is missing).

If you have been told that you were ugly all your life you will rely on someone else to fill that void of insecurity.

The same can be said if you have been called fat, or stupid, or too dark, too skinny, too pale. Any number of nasty negative names.

The brain Begins to create insecurity to try and fill that emptiness that was negatively created from life experiences. But here’s where things get tricky. A person who has been called ugly all their lives, instead of them finding someone who calls them beautiful they become attracted to someone who calls them ugly. The brain has become so accustomed to that word, and the feeling from being called ugly that it has developed its personality around it. Now it needs that word, that feeling related to it to feel balanced. It can only feel whole again if it has that release of dopamine within the brain from feeling abused. So, instead of that person finding someone who calls them beautiful. The word beautiful becomes like an insult.

And as a result we do the opposite.

So, to simplify this idea, this concept. We all know the universe works in opposites. Opposites attract, (magnates, polarity, ect) this is where the well know idea of “the laws of attraction” come from.  If you don’t know what the laws of attraction are please go to YouTube or Google there’s plenty of footage on the subject. TO BE CONTINUED! (if requested)

If your brain had an interpreter. It would probably say this..,

Similar to a mouse in a maze, every thought has its own direction. It’s own avenue of cause and effect. From the moment u receive a question or attempt to solve a puzzle. The mind begins traveling down that maze. Attempting to place ration and order to your thoughts. Making them clear and understandable to the listener.

Articulating your vision to the listener as the mind takes itself through all sorts of twists and turns. Things like sentence structuring, logic.

As it Focuses on cohesion. Attempting to explain in great detail what it is your talking about. Your VISION! As you see it.

Word selection, memories of how the color blue makes you feel sad. That sadness associated with pain or the color of your first car. Blood is blue, but it turns red when it meets oxygen right? right.

Stay focused!!!

I haven’t even mentioned circumstance, environment. The effects from anxiety or depression. It’s amazing we’re understand at all. The brain make 38 trillion operations per second. Just a simple reminder of how beautifully complex it is. Imagine the mind of its creator. Thank u for reading.

I Hit The Lottery In The Most Unlucky Way!

She looked so peaceful the way she fell, head slightly tilted back. Shoulders and arms lifelessly dangling, eyes closed. I can still smell the sent radiating from her long and beautiful, vibrantly pink shaded hair.

And how could I forget that blue dress she wore.

The one with the two year old spaghetti stain and the white strip across the bottom. It was a gift from her dad who had passed 7 years sooner, so she could never rid herself of it.

Plus it accentuated her beautiful legs and strong broad shoulders. Everyone loved it.

But it wasn’t until she hit the floor did I realize what was happening. You would have thought the floor had open arms patient and pleasantly positioned to catch her, by the way her body effortlessly fell into it.

Loud sounds like fireworks blasting off,

screams then panic! In an instinct it all happened.

Tying to remember only the beauty yet forever haunted by the ugly truth. It would be our very last time waking up together, holding hands.

Sharing a milkshake while looking into each others eyes. The last time she would tell me she loved me.

❤️And I her❤️

The bullet piercing her right temporal lobe, causing her head to tilt and eyes to close.

I imagine her last thoughts before hitting the ground were of our love.

I usually awaken at this point. Angry and sweating, breathing and pulse elevated.

Alone forever I am reminded, as I stair at this empty space where she would lay.

We would talk tirelessly about growing old together.

An idea suffocated by a disillusioned, maladjusted, sociopathic, disgusting organization . A terrorist.

One who’s only job was to terrorize, dishearten, destroy and divide the world.

Her name was Carrie you basted!

I love you Carrie.

A Darker, Deeper Side To Why We Pray

As the curtain Slowly falls to the floor. All we have done is injected intelligence into our animalistic behaviors. Allowing the killer within us to evolve and become increasingly more efficient. Fine-tuning our methodical Nature.

All while violently choking compassion and empathy, smiling as they slowly suffocate.

Strangely as my neurons fire and as I desperately attempt to clarify and express my thoughts to you (the reader)

I am reminded of how Jack the Ripper mutilated the bodies of his victims. Doing it in a manner suggesting that he possessed knowledge of the human anatomy coupled with surgical experience and a high IQ aptitude.

Disgusted, as I Describe parts of his character as if it made him more then a sociopathic killer.

Knowing how to kill a thing shouldn’t make you interesting, and not having killed it yourself makes you no less guilty.

Just because we round up and kill live stick in a civilized manor, does not make us civilized.

Or does it?

Joy naturally wants to give praise and say thank you. Even as warm blood drips from our hands after a hunt. Survival being our only needed Justification.

How twisted are we that we praise killers, crucify the innocent, kill for profit and beg an all loving God to aid us in victory. Amen

How long should “childhood” last?

As a child, we live mostly to emulate what we see. Children have no real understanding of “swagger” or having a “cool” walk, or wearing clothes, in a cool way. Those Nike tennis shoes they’re wearing, the ones mom/dad paid a small fortune for, do they even care that it says, Nike? Now I know some of you are saying, “my son cares what he wears, my daughter knows what a “pretty” gown looks like” I’m sure they do! after hours, weeks, years of television, social media, you as parents! and YouTube all cramming and programming into there developing young minds, what there likes should and shouldn’t be. Should we step in and assist with growth and development? YES!, we absolutely should. But we shouldn’t confuse teaching a child proper mannerisms and proper etiquette with traditional customs. Especially when those customs are reminding them that monetary value makes them valuable. If we are not careful we may leave little to no room for self-expression and individuality. Only producing organic robots. I’m just asking, PLEASE let them be innocent, if only for a second longer. Before this cruel, capitalistic world swallows them up and spits them out!

Now for those of you who are saying, it is far better to equip them with the tools they need to face this world. This is for you, As a child, we live mostly to emulate what we see. There minds being like clay, designed and ready for molding and shaping. So in a capitalistic world such as this, we should prepare our young, not disillusion them with fairytale thinking or otherwise. Capitalisms only response to innocence is abuse and “taken advantage of” So being underprepared, only invites failure. Even though their child hood may be short-lived, their adulthood will blossom as a result. All because you instilled in them what was necessary to survive the coldness of this world. And perhaps one day they may thank you for it. A great man once said we make sacrifices, not only for the generation we currently live in. But for the next generation. That they may prosper in ways that we could not. So your Childs childhood may be the sacrifice that is needed. Thank you

The Tools of depression

Depression has the power to selfishly shape our thoughts into its image. By first tapping into our logic and ration, then using them against us. “Making sense” of something is the brain’s #1 way of copping.

 

Depression is a hole that can never be filled, a thirst that will never be quenched. The more we feed into it, the more despondency and dejection increases(low spirits) Buried deep within depressions chemical makeup, its structure, is the power of persuasion and manipulation. Both of which will assist in the holding of your hand, as the feeling of worthlessness takes over.

 

A feeling that starts with a lake of interest, and before you know it, life itself has little meaning. Depression is not void of intelligence. In fact, it is aware that intelligence appreciates its own existence and craves purpose and desire to satisfy itself. So as a result depression will use analytics to gain power, constantly calculating as many negative outcomes as possible. Giving us every reason we should feel uncomfortable and shouldn’t speak in larger groups, justifying reasons for feeling withdrawn, always in constant fear of being misunderstood. Rationalizing why we would rather text then talk on the phone.

 

All of these overwhelming thoughts are an attempt to tire the brain, making it susceptible to the powers of persuasion and manipulation. Leaving only one emotion to turn to, creating an opportunity to shift that same desire and purpose into a direction of a much darker path. A path designed to devalue that which is important to you, that which you love. A path that will forever remind you of your weaknesses. Using logic and ration like puppets on a string, convincing your mind that you are not good enough or that you have to make everyone happy. A path where we see death as the only option.

 

Though I will say that seeing others happy does give me a vague and momentary sense of happiness. It really does, but I am later reminded that most people are completely unaware of what true happiness is. So I find myself tirelessly trying to satisfy those who cannot be satisfied. And as a result, we end up back in the same place we were trying to escape. Unknowingly contributing to the sinistrous background music of depression. With ourselves being the orchestrator.

But fear not, there is a way of developing both a lasting and positive coping mechanism…To BE CONTINUED

The wonderful and Awful​ ideas our brains create.

Chemical reactions

• An overindulgence in Hate, envy, and anger all have the potential to poison the mind. Here’s why! The brain is a chemical warehouse.

 

• And each behavior produces a unique chemical reaction. And once you combine “special” more naturally explosive chemicals within the brain, Such as envy, anger, or lust. You get a more

 

• Sophisticated kind of behavioral reaction. Example: Let’s look at Envy. Envy is simply a combination of both love and hate. (Two powerful emotions)

 

• You love and want another’s lifestyle, yet at the same time, you

 

• hate it. Because you are not them and don’t have what they have. So, the brain produces the confusing chemical reaction called: Envy

 

• Anger is another reaction that derives from confusion. All anger is. Is a combination of motivation, passion, and pain. And When you mix all 3, you get angry.

 

• If you’re paying close attention, each action releases a certain chemical, which then produces what we call an “emotional response” action or behavior.

 

• Emotion is “normal” yes. But when you overindulge in any emotion. No matter how good it feels. You run the risk of poisoning your own mind. And that poison may take the form of delusion. Things like depression, anxiety, drugs or alcohol abuse. An unusual amount of paranoia. These are all forms of an imbalance that may result in self-inflicting delusions.

 

• Which means you are doing it to yourself! Once we become so conditioned to this kind of thinking, you no longer need the “situation” to induce the delusions. They can be very powerful, and if allowed to fester they can trap us.

 

• Once you fall prey to an overindulgence of your own emotions you run the risk of trapping yourself within yourself. And after a while, it may become impossible to escape them.

 

• Similar to a woman who stays in an abusive relationship, convincing herself that the abuser loves her, even though he beats her consistently. She no longer believes in rational reality. She has become delusional.

 

• Or when a man feels his musicality is defined by his sexuality. He no longer believes in rational reality. And is overly influenced by others. He has become delusional.

 

• Pretty much anything you can think of has the potential to produce a toxin in the brain if allowed to “overflow” Thank you for reading.

Are you Gay-sist? Fear meets ignorence.

Being gay is not a choice, no more then you choosing to be born male or female. Anyone who thinks or believes this is either homophobic, or ignorant to the facts, by choce or otherwise. Fyi: Being ignorant in the information age of 2017 is no excuse. Interestingly enough most of these same people, with strong views on sexuality are the same one’s who happen to be subtle or closeted racist, irrationally judgmental, stereotypical, easily biases. The same people who feel that a women has her “place” in society, and any other ignorent self centered idea you can think of. How do you look a 10 year old child (your child) in the eyes, a child who feels they were in the “wrong body” all of there short life, a child who has no real idea of sexualty or what it means to be gay! How dare you look that child square in his or her eyes and tell them that who they are is unnatural. Shame on you! then proceed to condem them to hell for your personal beliefs. Worse yet using your God to justify it! The same way Christians said there God deemed the black man only 3/5 human beings to justify slavery. Consistently reminding this beautiful human being that there is something wrong with who they are. And that society will NEVER accept them for being gay. Then casting your final judgment onto them. There is no cure for being gay! Becuse it is not a sickness.

Why “Cumming” FAST is shameful

To understand this, we must first understand the human anatomy. And why the penis was desigend in the first place. The penis was deaigend for 3 reasons: #1 procreation #2 reliving the body of stress #3 to help establish an emotional connection with our partner. Each of these reasons has its own level of implications, for example: Procreation statistically insures mans survival, which is comforting. Survival is our number one priority. Stress is the residual affects from life, but if left untreated can manfifest itself in the form of anger, depression, irrational behavior.  And an emotional connection offers one the possibility of love ❤ and all of its wonders. It assist in finding new purpose. Or may assist in finding pain if the feeling is not mutual.

Let us look deeper, shall wey? If the purpose is primarily “function over fashion” purpose over pleasure. Why then are we so scrutinized for not “lasting long enough”? If indeed mother nature or God designed us this way, why are we so ashamed of this?

Allow me to shift the topic, just for a moment. As I reposition your mind so that you may see the connection? In a world overly masculine, driven by gas guzzling, atmospheric polluting v8 engines, a world where a man dies, (literay) in hopes to show his dominance in the form of physical strength, and stupidity. Making every attempt to show how disconnected he is from his emotional self.  In a world that is still infatuated by the idea of psychological control and male chauvinism. A world created in mans image. The power of women was believed to be null and void.  Smothered to never let flourish. Until one day, somewhere within mans mist of ego and over glorification of self. A chance was afforded.

The women would insidiously awaken and inject her influence. She would proceed to use every weapon at her disposal, as she attempts to build her empire. And much like a well played game of chess, she approachs checkmate!

Incase you missed it, this thought of shame that is associated with premature ejaculation, whose vary name, by the way suggests that something is wrong with your penis. This idea “cuming to fast” is simply an emasculating psychological strategy. Created by women in the pursuit of empowerment.

How DNA can enslave​ or free you.

Let’s keep it simple. What I would like to talk about today is. How we “awaken” parts of our DNA, both negatively and positively. Here’s what I mean. Certain traits, certain characteristics that are passed down from our parents, that were passed to them from their parents, so on and so forth. For thousands of years. Well, those genes we receive only tell part of the story. Let’s call them superficial traits. (freckles, complexion) Let me give an example.  Someone in your family at one point in time may have been born with Blue eyes, BLUE EYES! (not very intriguing I know) But let’s say that BOTH parents had BROWN eyes (a little more interesting, right?) With that being said, it would seem impossible for that child to be born with blue eyes, right? Wrong, If neither parent had blue eyes. How then, could that child be born with blue eyes?  You see, what we’re finding, through science and technology, is that at one point in time, someone in your family’s bloodline had blue eyes. And that gene was simply lying “dormant” awakening hundreds, even thousands of years later. studies are showing every day, that in fact, we may all possess the same exact traits and abilities, all within our very own DNA structure. They are simply “asleep” What this could mean is, somewhere within our genetic makeup, lies something much, much deeper. More than simply passing high blood pressure to your child or cancer probability, or being able to dunk a basketball, having a good sense of business or mathematics. Imagine a world where we can “unlock” our truest potential, at will. Unlock things that may be hiding dormant within us. The example I chose to give above, regarding the baby with blue eyes Is only but one example of genes lying dormant within us and how they can awaken over time. Here’s another. It deals with a darker more sinister side of nature. I’m talking about the psychological. Studies are showing that based on our environmental surroundings, which strongly influence and dictate our developmental psychology.  Which in turn, helps to influence our understanding of the world. Within this world, we determine what traits are important and should be “unlocked” and allowed to flourish. And which ones we should suppress, and put to sleep. I’ll give another example. Let’s say we have two very “bubbly” parents. Parents, that are happy all the time, right? Always laughing, always positive. Well, studies are showing, that this “happy” gene, may give us a natural and more effective way of handling stress. Making us less likely to bottle up our emotions and feelings. Now, let’s put that on a genetic scale for a moment. On a genetic level, let’s say we pass those same traits down to our children. As a result, now the child possesses this “bubbly” or “happy” gene. In turn, giving that child a “natural” desire to “open up” and share her thoughts and feelings. Making her battle with stress more likely to be won, and her efforts more effective. Now here’s where it gets interesting. Let’s take that same child. Stripped of her natural parents and raised in an environment that is the total OPPOSITE! Of her “natural genetic desires”. Raising her in an environment that is very, stressful and depressing, arguably reducing her chances of success. An almost hopeless kind of environment. That same child, whose genetic predisposition is to be open, kind and of a POSITIVE mindset. Will now, more than likely be forced to unlock parts of her deep genetic memory (survival mode) forcing her to adjust to these circumstances. Unlocking parts of her DNA that have the potential to turn her the total opposite of her natural genetic makeup. You see underneath all of what and who we think we are. Are the very fundamental and basic survival parts of ourselves. And if we’re not careful. We will continue to unlock the monster lying dormant. Through acts of hate, in the form of racism, discrimination, “class” sexism, irrational judgments. So, on and so forth! Through our willingness to embrace ignorance. Thanks for reading.